I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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