sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
