I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
