Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
