guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize