They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
