Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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