after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
