You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
