I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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