sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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