I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
