Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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