please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
