Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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