she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
