Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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