True but thats because hes a fetus.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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