I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
