Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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