Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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