I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
