she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
