If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
