I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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