Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize