3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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