i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
