Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
false alarm, still single
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
