a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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