Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
