oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
