:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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