all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
