oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
