the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
