I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
