FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
