It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're like the curious george of whores
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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