so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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