Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk is not a location!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
