The maid of honor just puked.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
