Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
