He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
