He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
