Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
