my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize