Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
a search helicopter?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
