i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
