I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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