And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
