maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
