I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
bring money and cleavage
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
