bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
