you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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