Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
