Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
