Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
