fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
