Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize