Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
