I didn't shave. On purpose
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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