I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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