i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
