Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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