I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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