when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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