Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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