win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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