When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
