I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
