I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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