maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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