At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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