You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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