if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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