What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
