I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
