you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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