I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize