this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
