it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
