I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
