I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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