There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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