I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
