the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
