In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
