well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
