there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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