U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
