The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
