i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
