Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
