my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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