We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
