I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize