i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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