Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
