I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
