I wanna bring you to show and tell
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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