Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
