I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
