the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
